I haven't written anything in a while because,....I didn't really know how to put into words what I really felt. So many emotions, so much of "life" happening and so much.....transition has happened.
Since leaving Cambridge, Mass, I was able to put my focus on the "FABULOUS SYLVESTER" show we had scheduled in Washington, D.C.. The time we had was INCREDIBLE. It was so liberating to be able to bring my ENTIRE band and cast down to D.C. from NYC.
We stayed at a great hotel, had a fantastic mini-bus to bring us down and performed for over 600+ people at the Historic and Beautifully renovated HOWARD THEATRE off T Street. Words cannot express the joy i felt on January 27th, 2013. My family came up, I had friends there, I made new friends and to share it all with my partner, Kendrell, was the icing on the cake.
One thing that I felt sad about was knowing my mother couldn't be there. I talked to her on the phone before I got on stage and she prayed with me, encouraged me, inspired me (as she always does) and gave me so much love through the phone. She's my biggest supporter and always has been. My mother passed away from Cancer on February 11th, 2013. I miss her.......a LOT. I miss her laughter. I miss her smile. I miss talking to her late at night over the phone. I miss her telling me things I DON'T want to hear. lol. I miss....her. She is the only woman I ever truly loved. The fucked up part about it is that I will never have those moments again. The "transition" from life to death baffles me. You have someone here with you for a time and then "poof", they're gone. Some may say they're still here, but they're not really HERE HERE. Before she passed I felt myself becoming selfish and wanting her here because I wanted her to be here for me, but I had to realize that God had a plan and she is exactly where she wants to be. With God and "EXPERIENCING GOD'S GRACE". Those were her initials "E.G.G. = ELAINE GARY GREEN". During the funeral, I was moaning from within. It's something that I can only describe as an aching groan from my soul. I will never heal from losing her, but I KNOW I'm exactly where she wants me to be. She and I have traveled all over with my tours. Toronto, San Diego, Washington, D.C. and even my first Broadway show "Anything Goes". I remember her beaming in the audience. Just TEETH, the waving of hands and tapping the people next to her saying "THAT'S MY CHILD!" as people beside here were asking "Which One?" watching me tap in a Sea of Caucasian People. lmao.
She was LIVING as she always did. She inspired me every step of her journey. To see and experience her Strength was so Amazing! At the funeral SO MANY PEOPLE came out to extend their condolences. They spoke of how much of an amazing woman she was and I have to say I am SO PROUD to be one of Two Sons that were bore by her. My brother, Eugene, is a good man and I'm so happy to be his brother. We keep each other encouraged and have grown MUCH closer than we were years ago as we fought over stupid shit like Hot Pockets. lol.
I do have to say that I'm grateful for Kendrell. He was there. He supported me, stood by me, listened
to me, cried with me and loved me through it all. I'm grateful and appreciative of his strength. I will and do everything I can to give him back exactly that in return. That's what relationships are about. I wish that everyone gets to feel what real, true love is. I DON'T take it for granted and never will. (No matter how much he works my last GOOD nerve at times....and I work his. (smile)).
Now, "PIPPIN" opens on Broadway on the April 25th, 2013. I do not resent what I do. Many people can when they feel like their "work" can take them away from the moments that life really brings. I understand that totally (because "show business" can definitely do it to you), but the moments I shared with my mother are Priceless and I don't regret anything. I tell people my mother has a VIP Front Row Comp Ticket FOREVER to anything I do and am in. She has her choice of Front Row Mezzanine or Front Row Center. lol. Wherever it is, I know she's there and with me....watching me and keeping me. She was very religious, so she called herself a "JC GIRL" and would always say "TO GOD BE THE GLORY". I know she is flying in His Glory now. Fly, Ma and I look forward to seeing you again soon...to laugh, to cry and for you to rub my head as you did when I was little at the foot of your bed as you talked on the phone. You will NEVER be forgotten. I may not have you here physically, but you are ALWAYS here in my heart.
-a.wayne
Since leaving Cambridge, Mass, I was able to put my focus on the "FABULOUS SYLVESTER" show we had scheduled in Washington, D.C.. The time we had was INCREDIBLE. It was so liberating to be able to bring my ENTIRE band and cast down to D.C. from NYC. 
One thing that I felt sad about was knowing my mother couldn't be there. I talked to her on the phone before I got on stage and she prayed with me, encouraged me, inspired me (as she always does) and gave me so much love through the phone. She's my biggest supporter and always has been. My mother passed away from Cancer on February 11th, 2013. I miss her.......a LOT. I miss her laughter. I miss her smile. I miss talking to her late at night over the phone. I miss her telling me things I DON'T want to hear. lol. I miss....her. She is the only woman I ever truly loved. The fucked up part about it is that I will never have those moments again. The "transition" from life to death baffles me. You have someone here with you for a time and then "poof", they're gone. Some may say they're still here, but they're not really HERE HERE. Before she passed I felt myself becoming selfish and wanting her here because I wanted her to be here for me, but I had to realize that God had a plan and she is exactly where she wants to be. With God and "EXPERIENCING GOD'S GRACE". Those were her initials "E.G.G. = ELAINE GARY GREEN". During the funeral, I was moaning from within. It's something that I can only describe as an aching groan from my soul. I will never heal from losing her, but I KNOW I'm exactly where she wants me to be. She and I have traveled all over with my tours. Toronto, San Diego, Washington, D.C. and even my first Broadway show "Anything Goes". I remember her beaming in the audience. Just TEETH, the waving of hands and tapping the people next to her saying "THAT'S MY CHILD!" as people beside here were asking "Which One?" watching me tap in a Sea of Caucasian People. lmao.
I do have to say that I'm grateful for Kendrell. He was there. He supported me, stood by me, listened to me, cried with me and loved me through it all. I'm grateful and appreciative of his strength. I will and do everything I can to give him back exactly that in return. That's what relationships are about. I wish that everyone gets to feel what real, true love is. I DON'T take it for granted and never will. (No matter how much he works my last GOOD nerve at times....and I work his. (smile)).
-a.wayne
No comments:
Post a Comment